The Burden of a Secret
by BalthierFan6828
Summary: Balthier can't understand why Vaan wants their love to be a secret, and Vaan doesn't think the others will understand after which many dramatic adventures, love spats, and injuries occur.  Bad summary...sorry Bal/Vaan pairing.
1. Secrets

**I don't own FFXII or any of its characters. Balthier/Vaan pairing. If that offends you I would advise not reading it. My first fic so be gentle. Just a little story about Balthier wanting to run away from their quest to have a life with Vaan. Rated M mostly for language.**

"I do love you so, Balthier"

"Then why won't you leave this entire stupid quest behind so that we can live in peace. Or at least stop hiding what we have from everyone. Are you ashamed of me?" he asked quietly, the hurt obvious in his tear filled eyes.

Vaan looked at him silently for a moment, and then letting show all the grief in his heart whispered, "No Balthier I'm not ashamed of you. They just won't understand. Its better this way and we can't leave because I have to save the rest of us, before I can live with myself…or you."

His grip tightened around Vaan's waist just before he pulled him in for a kiss which erupted in passion. After a moment of sweet bliss he looked Vaan in the eyes, his, brown and beautiful and full of understanding…Vaan's blue and afraid and unsure…and as he ran his fingers along the boy's check he whispered, "I love you, my dearest thief, more than I care to say. And if it is a war you must win for our love to finally be given wing…then I will fight it beside you." After caressing Vaan's cheek a final time, the pirate turned and continued through the Tchita Uplands to catch up with the rest of the party.

Vaan stared after him a moment, hating himself for hurting the man he loved. It had been nearly three months since that day in the Dalmasca Westersand when he and Balthier had been alone on a hunt for a nasty Ring Wyrm. The battle had been going so well that Vaan got cocky, and started making mistakes. That's when he got himself KO'd. When he awoke, the creature was dead and Balthier was glaring at him menacingly. "Damnit Vaan! Be careful, and pay attention next time will you!" he yelled at the shocked blonde lying on the sand in front of him as he rose to walk away. "Jesus Balthier," Vaan had exclaimed wide-eyed, confused because no one ever got mad at someone for getting KO'd in a battle. Things like that had happed to the six of them a million times. "Why the hell are you yelling at me?" Balthier spun on his heels at the question and glared at Vaan. "Because I'm in love with you, you fucking little brat and I don't want you to die!" Vaan could tell by the look on Balthier's face that he was as shocked at what he'd said as Vaan was. They stared at each other in silence for a moment until Vaan finally found his voice, "How long?" he asked in a voice that was barely a whisper. Balthier ran a jeweled hand through his dark hair and sighed, "I don't know really, a long time though." Vaan thought about this a moment when his thoughts were interrupted. "I shouldn't have told you. I didn't _mean_ to tell you." He sighed again, "If you don't want to hunt alone with me anymore I understand." Vaan looked at him a moment. He'd never seen this side of the pirate before. His eyes were questioning and afraid, no trace of their usual self-assurance and cockiness could be found in them. Vaan rose from the ground silently, and Balthier was sure that he was about to be rejected when Vaan's lips met his in a gentle kiss. Their arms slowly wrapped around each other, causing Balthier to drop his six-fluted pole to the ground with a thud. "I love you too, Balthier" the thief whispered. And so it began.

They had decided it would be best to keep their relationship from the others. Fran knew something was up of course, she knew Balthier too well to not know and Vaan had caught Basch looking at them with raised eyebrows once after a battle when Vaan had gotten a little too upset that Balthier had been injured. But in the past few weeks Vaan could tell that the secret was hurting Balthier. It wasn't like Vaan didn't want the others to know, he wasn't ashamed, but the others just wouldn't understand. When Vaan finally caught up with the others Balthier wouldn't even look at him. "We're lost" Basch said with an angry sigh. "I have the map, hang on a minute," replied Ashe. After digging through her pack for several minutes she finally handed a worn map to Basch, who studied it with a frown. After a moment received bad news that none of them wanted to hear. "We're not on the map."

They wandered aimlessly for days, realizing that they were going in circles. At least they were leveling up though, that made it less of a waste of time. It had been nearly four days when they finally exited the uplands back into the Phon Coast. As excited as they all were to be out of the Uplands their excitement soon died when they realized that they were totally out of items. "At least we aren't too far from the Hunter's camp," said Penelo, "we can get everything we need there." "Let us just hope we are not attacked between here and there," replied Basch with a sigh.

It was the next morning when the attack came. There were too many of them. Everyone's MP had dropped to zero by the time Balthier was hit. The Lobo was immediately killed by Basch's sword, Basch was always quick to act like that, but Balthier wasn't standing anymore. The world seemed to stop and it seemed to Vaan that it took him hours to get to his side, even though it was only seconds. Balthier was covered in blood, the lobo's claws had ripped his chest and back open, and there was a nasty bite in his left arm. He was conscious, but barely. "Vaan?" he whispered, looking up at his lover. He choked a little after that and blood seeped freely from between his lips. "Balthier, shhhh, its ok, it's…it's gonna be ok," the blonde thief said, trying to convince himself that it was true. The others had gathered around by this point, none of them hurt too seriously although they all could have used a potion or two. "I don't have any MP!" Vaan panted, tears falling freely from his eyes. He looked up at Basch, who was also crouching beside the pirate. "Basch, I don't have any fucking MP!" he yelled louder now, cradling Balthier's head in his hands. "None of us do, Vaan, we'll think of something. Calm down," replied the captain. It was Fran who volunteered that the girls would go to the Hunter's camp in search of supplies to heal him while Vaan and Basch looked after the pirate. With a quiet gurgle Balthier passed out.

He didn't wake up the entire time the girls were gone. For a day and a half Vaan had stayed by his side, and Basch had given up trying to get Vaan to sleep or eat hours ago. He had known the boy idolized the pirate, but he hadn't expected Vaan to freak out as much as he had. True, the pirate was badly injured, but they all had been at some point or other in this quest. Balthier's wounds bled a little less that they had the day before, but Vaan and Basch both knew he was too pale and too cold, his breath too shallow. Vaan cried a lot that day, stroking his lover's hair and never leaving his side. Finally the girls got back. It took a lot of potions and spells to fix the pirate, but soon enough he opened his eyes and sat up, wincing as he did. Vaan wasted no time in grabbing Balthier's face and kissing him fiercely. Balthier's arms snaked around Vaan and drew him in close, and they just sat there dirty and bloody on the ground, holding each other in a way that showed the rest of their shocked party members exactly how much in love they were. "I love you Balthier," Vaan said, looking deep into chocolate eyes. "I love you too, Vaan," said Balthier with a smile, and everyone there knew that it was true.

**Ok it's my first fic but I'm a big fan of the Balthier/Vaan thing so I thought since I'm always on this site reading them I should write one of my own. Please Review!**


	2. Times Change

**Chapter 2: Times change**

They had been back on the Strahl for nearly three days, and no one had dared to mention anything about Balthier and Vaan's scene at the Phon Coast and the two lovers didn't mention anything either. Balthier found it funny every time Ashe looked quickly at the floor when he would kiss Vaan at the breakfast table or the priceless expression on Basch's face when he had entered Balthier's room to rely a message from Fran only to find Vaan curled up in the pirate's arms, asleep on his chest. Penelo avoided them both, and both pirate and thief assumed she was quite upset about the whole thing. Only Fran seemed to be unaffected by the whole change of events, but Balthier figured that knowing him as well as she did she had probably been aware of situation since day one.

It was on the fourth evening and Fran had just informed Balthier over the intercom that dinner was ready and that the five of them were waiting on him. Moments later he emerged through the kitchen door with a slight bounce in his step (he just couldn't help being peppy these days). "Sorry to keep you waiting everyone but I had a few little tests to run on the engines," he announced, "Hello, you," he said casting a seductive glance at Vaan and bent over gently brushing the boy's lips with his own. He was startled from said kiss by Ashe's glass being slammed down on the table. "Ok, I can't not talk about this anymore!" she exclaimed. Casting accusing glances at Basch, Fran, and Penelo, she yelled, "How long are you guys going to pretend to not notice this?" The three of them said nothing. Basch and Penelo both just stared at the food on their plates, while Fran held the princess' gaze with an indifferent stare. Balthier sighed and sat down at the head of the table, with Vaan on his right and Penelo on his left. "I was wondering when this would happen," he said coolly as he laid his napkin in his lap. He gave Vaan, who was holding his head in his hands and muttering "I knew this would happen", a reassuring pat on the arm and then directed his gaze toward Ashe.

"Ok," he said calmly picking up his fork, "Let's talk about it." Ashe stared at him blankly, not knowing exactly what to say. "Well…I mean…" she stammered when Basch intervened. "I think what Ashe is trying to say," he began cautiously never daring to look Balthier in the face, "Is that we're all just a bit…taken aback by certain…events of late." Balthier nodded as he looked around the table, "The relationship between Vaan and myself makes you uncomfortable?" he asked in a tone that showed the anger bubbling beneath the surface. "No!" exclaimed Basch in a polite effort to not sound homophobic, "It's just that we were…unaware…that there was a…a…" "What exactly is your relationship?" Ashe asked point blank. "I'm in love with him," Balthier said matter of factly, never breaking eye contact with the princess.

A small choking sound came from Penelo as a bit of whatever she was chewing got caught in her throat. The coughing fit that ensued made everyone turn their heads for a moment and gave both Ashe and Basch time to remove the look of utter shock on their faces. Balthier turned back towards Ashe quietly and ran a jeweled hand through his spiky hair, "I would have thought that an accused kingslayer and a on the run princess…" "Don't Balthier," said Vaan reaching out to take the pirate's hand. As Vaan's hand snaked around his own he bent to give it a light kiss. He rested his forehead on the intertwined fingers and slowly shook his head. "Listen," said Vaan finally looking the others in the eye for the first time since Balthier had entered the kitchen. "Balthier and I are in love, and have been for some time. Anyone who has a problem with that can get the hell off his ship." No one said anything, and no one noticed the smile that crept across the pirate's face at hearing Vaan take up for their love. Basch was the first to speak up "Well I guess congratulations are in order then," he said letting a smile creep onto his face as he raised his glass of madhu in a toast. Vaan smiled and Balthier nodded to the captain in understanding. "Princess?" the pirate questioned. Ashe sat still for a moment before raising her glass and smiling. A toast was made to love, but only five glasses clinked together, and it wasn't until after a large gulp that Vaan realized that Penelo was no longer at the table.

**Hope you guys like chapter two. More to come. Please review!**


	3. Heartbreak

**Chapter 3 **

**Heartbreak**

Penelo kicked the wall of her bedroom aboard the Strahl and cursed. How could Vaan do this to her! She'd been his loyal friend for years; everyone knew that one day they would become more. She had just known they would! She had assumed he'd known that, why else would she follow him on this damn quest if not because she loved him? She had hoped that what had happened at the Phon Coast had been a mistake, maybe Vaan just getting a little too worked up…you know because Balthier was his hero…not his lover. She sat down on her bed as hot tears began to roll down her cheeks. She knew now that Balthier was much more to Vaan than a hero and that he would never feel for her what she felt for him. And he hadn't even bothered to tell her! Some friend! She told Vaan everything, even little things. And Vaan hadn't even mentioned something this HUGE to her at all? She hated Balthier for this. Vaan had been her best friend, her love (although he didn't know it) since they were little kids and then one day that stupid pirate had flown in with all his charm and stolen her thief right from under her nose. And she hadn't even realized it. She flung herself down on the bed and sobbed, the next port they docked in she was getting off this damn airship and going straight home. She never wanted to see either Balthier or Vaan ever again.

Dinner was finished less awkwardly than Vaan would have thought it would be. Ashe and Basch had seemed to start to adjust to the idea of the whole thing. Fran was still indifferent, although she was happy that Balthier was happy. Vaan felt bad that Penelo was so upset, he couldn't blame her. She probably thought he could never keep something that big from her, but he had felt like he had no choice. He would go talk to her later; she'd understand and be happy for him. He just knew she would.

Vaan spent a few hours that night moving his things into Balthier's room, there was no point in them having separate quarters he'd told the pirate, since they spent every night together anyway. He had meant to go and see Penelo after that, but Balthier had come in and suggested a mutual shower. Something he knew Vaan couldn't refuse. After that he'd fallen asleep in his lover's arms, and the fact that Penelo was upset was completely forgotten to him.

Days passed, and they were all so busy getting ready to for their venture into the Parimna Rift that Vaan did not find time to have his talk with Penelo. It wasn't that he meant to avoid her, but there had just been so much to do and he was so caught up in not having to hide his relationship with Balthier that the whole thing just slipped his mind. Of course he hadn't seen much of Penelo anyway since she was doing her best to avoid him. They had landed now, but weren't venturing out until the next morning. Penelo was looking forward to getting off the ship and fighting out some of her aggression in the next few days. Now all she had to do was get through dish duty with Vaan tonight, she had thought about asking Basch to switch nights with her but she knew he did more of the fighting than she did and would need the extra rest so she didn't bother. She took her time getting to the kitchen, and Vaan was already there getting soap and water everywhere as usual. She smiled to herself a bit, loving how cute and messy he was. "Hey, Pen," he said before she realized he'd noticed her, "Where you been hiding at?" Without answering she walked up beside him and started to stack plates so that Vaan could wash them. "Hello?" he said stopping what he was doing to turn to her, "Pen?" And that's when she kissed him, she couldn't help it. He had to know. If she showed him she loved him he would leave Balthier for her.

Vaan thrust her away, just in time to see Balthier standing in the doorway with his arms crossed and an unreadable look on his face. "Balthier…." Stammered Vaan, "I didn't…I mean…she" Trying desperately to explain he pointed at Penelo, but Balthier said nothing as he simply turned around and walked away. He walked straight past Basch and Fran, grabbed his pack and his weapon, and exited the Strahl into the snowy night. Basch and Fran were confused, but did not think anything of it until a teary eyed Vaan came running down the hall yelling Balthier's name. But it was too late, the pirate was gone. "Goddamn you Penelo," he cried turning to face her, "I hate you! How could you do this to me?" Penelo opened her mouth to speak but Vaan ran off to his room before she had a chance.

It was so cold outside that the tears on Balthier's face were starting to freeze. Too many emotions to name were raging in his skull. He dropped his pack in the snow, but kept walking, not even bothering to pick it up. He walked and walked for hours, trying not to think of the boy who had broken his heart into a million pieces. He fought off the few monsters that neared him, trying to vent his anger. But his eyes were so clouded with tears that he didn't see the hole in the ice before he was engulfed by icy water.

"We'll never find him in the dark Vaan," Basch tried to explain, "he can take care of himself, he probably just needed to cool off for a while. If he isn't back by morning we'll go looking for him." Vaan's tear streaked face made the captain feel horrible, but he couldn't see the sense in running out into the freezing night to look for a pirate who was just pissed off, not lost. Vaan had almost decided to go alone when Fran's ears perked up, "Something is wrong," said stated in her heavily accented voice, "Balthier is in need. We go now." Basch sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. He was getting a headache. "You're sure?" he asked looking Fran in the eye. She nodded solemnly. Basch grabbed his sword in response and then he, Vaan, and Fran left the Strahl leaving Ashe to care for the sobbing Penelo.

Panic exploded in Balthier's brain making his efforts to rise above the water clumsy at best. He couldn't breathe. If only the water weren't so damn cold. Finally he felt his right hand burst through the water into freezing air. He managed to pull his chest up onto the ice, but his hands were so numb. He was fighting the blackness that threatened to claim him, and then he thought of Vaan's lips on Penelo's. The pain of seeing that wrenched his heart, and he welcomed the darkness that engulfed him.

Basch wasn't worried until they found Balthier's pack covered in a light layer of snow. That had been hours ago and still there was no sign of the pirate. "There," said Fran pointing to something Basch could not see. It was only once he got closer that he saw a gold smear that was Balthier's vest half in the frozen water and half on the snowy bank.

It was difficult getting the pirate out of the water, but finally they had him wrapped tightly in a blanket and back on the Strahl. Ashe informed them upon arrival that Penelo was asleep, and offered her assistance with Balthier. After Basch laid Balthier's unconscious form on the bed in the master bedroom of the Strahl he, Fran, and Ashe waited outside the door for Vaan to remove the pirate's soaked clothing. Once Vaan had Balthier covered with several blankets, they went back in to see how much damage had been done. Luckily there was little damage, the frostbite Balthier had suffered was easily cured by Fran's great knowledge of white magic, and soon enough Basch declared that all the pirate needed was rest and warmth. Vaan sat by Balthier's side for hours after the others had gone to bed. He didn't know how to explain to him what had happened, but he hoped that Balthier would believe him when he told him the truth.

"Contemplating something, thief," a rich accented voice brought Vaan back from his thoughts. "Balthier! How…how are you feeling?" stammered Vaan, unsure if the pirate was still angry with him or not. "Cold. Shouldn't you be off to your room for bed now Vaan?" asked the pirate with a raised eyebrow. "This is my room though," Vaan said with a voice that showed his fear of what was coming next. "You expect me to let you share my bed after what happened today?" snipped the pirate. "Balthier…" "No shut up Vaan!" interrupted Balthier, "You're really something you know that? After all we've been thorough and you just throw it all away. I knew damn well I shouldn't have ever let anyone so close to my heart!" There was a moment of silence as they stared at each other. Balthier had to hold himself back from reaching out and wiping the tears from Vaan's cheek. The blonde boy stood to go; he glared down at his pirate a moment before Balthier heard his quiet voice, so full of sadness. "You pretentious asshole, Balthier. She kissed ME, Goddamnit!" He was yelling now, hot tears sliding down his face. "I pushed her away because I love you! And if it had happened to you I would trust you enough to believe you! I would trust in what we have!" And before the pirate could say anything Vaan was out the door slamming it behind him. Back in his former room, the thief threw himself on his bed and sobbed, he was sobbing so hard that he didn't even hear Balthier come into his room until the pirate had slid into bed with him. Vaan turned to his lover, knowing he was just as upset as he was, and let Balthier bury his head in his chest. It was usually Balthier who held Vaan, and wiped away the boy's tears. He was the leading man didn't need anyone to do things like that for him…but if any of the others had looked into the boy's room that night, they would have seen a bronzed young boy cradling a sky pirate to his chest…who was weeping intensely.

**Well that's ch 3 guys. I know drama, drama, drama with these two but I just couldn't help myself. More to come! (I'll try to make it less love spats and more action) Review please! Let me know what you want!**


	4. Stranded

**Chapter 4**

**Stranded**

Balthier kept his face pressed hard into Vaan's chest and wept for what seemed like a long while. He knew that whether his love was telling the truth about what had happened or not that he wouldn't attempt to leave the boy again…he just couldn't. But the way the other stroked his hair and gently kissed the top of his head made him start to believe that what Vaan had said was true. He had known himself of the girl's infatuation with Vaan. In fact, it had been Penelo's presence that had kept him from telling Vaan of his feelings for him to begin with. Like Penelo, he too had assumed that there was something between the two. "Promise me," he whispered, looking up at the boy he loved, hating how weak and pitiful his voice sounded. "I promise, thier," said Vaan who knew quite well that his pirate was asking if what he had said was true, that it really had been Penelo that started it and that he did still love his pirate. Balthier accepted this, and raised his head to kiss his thief. Vaan pulled the blanket over the pirate's shirtless form, "You need to keep warm," he said to the older man, "You could have died out there tonight you know." "Didn't seem to matter at the time," answered the older man as he propped himself up on one elbow. Vaan kissed him in answer, "Your life matters a lot to me though," he said quietly, which made the pirate smile before guiding the boy's head down onto the pillow with a kiss. He covered the blonde's body with his own as their kisses deepened. Clothes were thrown to the floor as promises and confessions of love were made. Their lovemaking was different that night than it had been before. Balthier was slow and gentle whereas before he had been rough and playful, and when it was over they held each other until the darkness of sleep claimed them both.

When Balthier awoke Vaan was still sleeping peacefully beside him. He arose and began to dress with some of his old swagger. Things were ok again. He donned his usual leather pants and white shirt, but left the shirt half unbuttoned and his vest thrown over the chair in where it had landed the night before. He felt like being comfortable for a while. He kissed his thief and made his way to the kitchen. He had assumed that everyone would still be asleep at this early hour, but to his surprise he found Penelo sitting at the table with a cup of tea in front of her. They shared an awkward glance and Balthier thought about just walking out without a word, but he overcame the urge to be mean to Penelo and walked past her to get a glass of water. He turned and leaned his back against the sink as he drank the cool liquid, he and Penelo still looking at each other not knowing what to say or do. "I'm sorry Balthier," she said looking down suddenly and surprising the pirate by being the first to speak, "I just always thought…and then back at the Phon Coast…oh...if you only knew how hard this is…" she sobbed. Balthier sat his glass down and moved over to the table. He sat down beside Penelo and sighed, "I do know. I'm in love with him too remember? I spent months trying to hide it, thinking that you two were…well…involved. I know exactly how you feel." She was looking at him now, drying her tears. "What am I going to do, Balthier?" "You're a strong girl, Penelo. You'll be fine. Somewhere out there is the man for you, and you'll be glad that all this happened one day. I know you don't see that now, but you will." He said, patting her arm. "Thanks for not hating me, Balthier," she said as she wiped her tears and attempted to smile. Balthier smiled back and said "I don't hate you Penelo," and with his usual confidence and swagger added, "but if anyone either on or off this ship touches Vaan again I _will_ kill them." And thus things went back to normal.

They were all ready to venture out into the rift. All they had to do was wait for Fran to activate the Strahl's cloaking device so that the ship wouldn't be bothered while they were gone. The rest of the party waited outside while she made her way to the cockpit. She activated the cloaking device…but nothing happened. She tried a second time…still…nothing. That's when she noticed how cold it was on the ship…the heat wasn't working. In fact, nothing was working.

"Fucking hell," muttered Balthier, jerking his burned hand away from the hot metal of the engine. He had yet to figure out exactly what was wrong with his ship, but he knew that whatever it was that he was unlikely to be able to fix it in this godforsaken place. They had been trying to fix the ship for hours, and everyone was getting impatient. Ashe had been a pain in the ass ever since Fran had emerged from the ship explaining their predicament, and Basch's attempts to help had only resulted in Balthier getting a large number of bumps, bruises, and burns. He had long ago casted silence on Ashe because she refused to shut up about how they really needed to "get a move on" and he had threatened the rest of their party that if anyone removed the spell that he would leave them all stranded here once he got the ship working again. Fran was really the only one who was qualified to help him with a problem like this, but even she had become aggravated at this point. "It seems we will never have any peace on this quest," sighed Basch, "if it isn't injured pirates, its love spats, and if it isn't love spats it's a damn airship that won't fucking work!" "Basch," threatened Balthier, waving a wrench in the captains direction, "one more word and I'll kill you myself so you can HAVE SOME DAMN PEACE!" Basch glared at the pirate and out of spite muttered a vox spell in Ashe's direction, who immediately began yelling at the pirate. "HOW DARE YOU! I am a princess you can't just…." Balthier tuned out the rest of what Ashe had to say. He didn't bother to mention that she was the one who had dragged them out here in the first place. He stood up and began to walk off in the direction of his room. "Where the hell are you going? We have to fix the ship!" exclaimed the princess who was as surprised as she was angry. "To take a shower," replied Balthier coolly, "as the leading man I do have a certain appearance to keep up." He gave the others his trademark cocky smile and walked away, grabbing Vaan's wrist and dragging the boy along. And as the hot water hit their entwined bodies Balthier began to think that being stranded might not be that bad.

**Tried to make this chapter a little less full of love spats between Vaan and Balthier, hope you guys enjoy it. More to come! Review Please! I can't write it if I don't know what you want!**


	5. From Bad to Worse

**Once again I don't own em'. I just write about em'. Hope you guys like it. May be the last chapter or it may not idk. Review please! It's rude not too!**

**Chapter 5**

**From Bad to Worse**

An aggravated sigh escaped the lips of our favorite ex- army captain. It was unbearably cold in the Strahl now since the heat hadn't been working for over twenty-four hours, and it was nearly as cold inside the ship as it was outside. Nothing they had done to fix the ship had worked so far, and Balthier had finally had to admit that he was stumped. Tensions were high, especially between Balthier and Ashe (who had not forgiven him for casting silence on her the day before) and Basch was beginning to wish they had never come to the Paramina Rift at all. He was starting to feel a low throbbing in his skull and his stomach was in knots. He thought about taking a potion and lying down for a while, but they really needed to keep trying to fix the Strahl, and Balthier needed Basch's strong arms and back to help him. "Feeling alright, Captain?" asked the pirate, eyeing the drops of sweat that fell from Basch's brow even though it was barely ten degrees in the ship suspiciously. "I'm fine," Basch grunted as he sorted through a box of tools and then added, "Vaan will you hold that damn flashlight still, I can't see a damn thing!" Vaan was a little taken aback by the irritated tone of Basch's voice. The captain had always treated Vaan as if he was the boy's father, but he never yelled at him. Actually Basch acted like he was _everybody's_ father, maybe because he was so much older than the rest of them. Vaan always forgot that Balthier was only 22; his endless charm and style made him seem older. He was thinking about this intensely when he was yanked from his thoughts by Basch's yelling, "Goddamnit Vaan! Hold the Fucking flashlight still!" "Hey!" interrupted the rich accented voice of his pirate, "Don't yell at him!" "Well if he could do the one simple task he was given I wouldn't HAVE TO!" "What the hell is wrong with you, Basch?" asked Balthier, "You're not acting like yourself." "Nothing, I'm fine," snorted the captain as he resumed his work, but both pirate and thief knew he was lying.

In other parts of the Strahl, Fran's head was starting to ache. She assumed it was from all the stress of recent events and went on with her work. At dinner, no one seemed much in the mood to eat. Everyone was irritable, especially Basch and Fran, who felt as if their heads were about to explode. After dinner they all separated to go off to their rooms (except Balthier and Vaan who were once again sharing the master bedroom) without saying much to each other. Balthier kissed Vaan as the he removed his vest and shirt and prepared to slide into bed. Vaan's lips barely responded. "Something wrong?" "I just don't feel too good Balthier," whispered the boy as he closed his eyes, "My head hurts and I feel hot and cold at the same time." The pirate sighed, "You want me to get you something for it?" "Would you?" asked Vaan opening one eye and looking at the older man questioningly. Balthier smiled and kissed the top of Vaan's head, "You know I will," he smirked.

Once in the hall he wished he had thought to bring a blanket. His breath was visible in front of him, and as he wrapped his arms around his bare chest he made a mental note to start keeping potions in his room instead of the supply closet. He had almost arrived at his destination when he heard a low moan that stopped him in his tracks. He looked around, wondering where the sound had come from. He had almost decided he had imagined it when he heard it again. Looking around once more, he spotted Basch's open bedroom door. That's odd; thought the pirate, Basch always keeps his door shut. He likes his privacy too much. He approached the door carefully, intending only to shut it, when he heard a low moan come from inside the room. Upon entering he found Basch, still fully dressed, sprawled on the bed. The captain was covered in sweat, and when Balthier touched his forehead he found that he had a high fever. Cursing under his breath he attempted to move the semi-conscious Basch to a more comfortable position. He was not very skilled in white magic, but cast a quick cure spell in the other man's direction. It seemed to have no effect. Fran was the only one of their party who could do the more difficult curing spells, he would have to find her and get her help.

When he arrived at Fran's room he found her in the same condition as he'd found Basch, although her fever was a little less high. Again he cast cure, but to no avail. The cold now forgotten, Balthier realized that they were in deep shit. Stranded miles from help, with two very ill party members, one of which was their only medic. He walked out into the hall and hit the alarm. Red lights flashed and an alarm sounded. Everyone knew that this alarm meant for everyone to meet in the Strahl's main room. When Balthier finally got there he found a sleepy-eyed Penelo and a confused Ashe waiting for him. Balthier spent the next few minutes explaining the situation. "What are we gonna do?" asked Penelo, assuming that the pirate had a plan. "I have no idea," he snorted, "I was hoping one of you two would know. Wait…two?" His voice changed and you could hear the concern in it. "Vaan…where's Vaan?" When neither girl answered he took off down the hall to his room, Penelo and Ashe at his heels. It was too late. Vaan was in the same condition as the others. Penelo immediately began to cast cure. "I told you, it won't work," muttered the pirate but Penelo had already released the spell. Nothing happened. "Looks like we've got an epidemic on our hands," said Ashe with a sigh. "If they all caught whatever it is so quick then we don't know which of us is already infected," said Penelo with fear in her voice. Balthier had already thought of this, but had not dared mention it. "He said he had a headache, Fran mentioned one earlier as well," said Balthier running a jeweled hand through his spiky hair, "It may be one of the early symptoms. Tell someone if your head starts to ache." But he could already feel a throbbing pain behind his eyes.

The three of them moved their sick party members into the same room. It had to be Basch's room because none of them could lift the captain, so Balthier carried Vaan and then Fran into Basch's room which was just going to have to do as a hospital. They spent their time trying to heal their patients the old fashioned way with lots and lots of cold damp cloths on their heads. There wasn't much else they could do. "We're just sitting here waiting to catch it…aren't we?" Balthier turned from Vaan's bedside to see the princess looking at him sadly. He nodded. "I don't know of anything to do for them. We don't know what it is or how to stop it and there is no way of getting help that I know of." The pain behind his eyes had intensified over the past few hours, still he said nothing. "Who do you think will be next?" she asked. "I don't know, could be anyone," he answered turning back to cool his love's forehead. But an inner voice told him that he would be the next to fall.

It turned out that Penelo was next. Balthier awoke to a panicked Ashe shaking him roughly by the shoulders. For a moment he didn't know where he was, but soon realized that he had fallen asleep at Vaan's bedside trying to lower his fever. He was still shirtless, and the blanket that he had draped over his shoulders last night had fallen to the floor. Although he could still see his breath in the cold air he felt suspiciously hot all over, in a clammy sticky sort of way. "It's Penelo," said Ashe upon realizing that she had finally succeeded in waking him, "She's caught it." "Is it bad?" Balthier dared to ask. Ashe only nodded and so he followed her out of the room. Penelo was in much of the same shape as the others, although she didn't moan as the others had when Balthier picked her up and carried her back to the improvised hospital wing of the Strahl. Balthier left Ashe to care for their fallen comrades and made his way to the cockpit. He was sitting in the captain's chair and trying his best to focus on the controls in front of him. Trying his best to think of what could be wrong with the Strahl that literally nothing would work. He pinched the bridge of his nose and closed his eyes, gods how his head pounded! "You have it…don't you?" Balthier opened his eyes at the sound of Ashe's voice as she sat down in the co-pilot seat beside him. He nodded before looking up to meet her gaze. "What the hell are we going to do, Balthier?" she asked in a shaky voice, her tear filled eyes begging him to tell her everything would be ok. But he just couldn't do it, couldn't lie to her like that. "You can feel it starting can't you?" he asked, already knowing the answer by the beads of sweat running into her eyes. She nodded, and he didn't know why he did it, but he pulled her into a tight embrace, holding her as she wept and pirate and princess sank to the floor of the cockpit in despair. They were all going to die.

By some miracle it was nearly a day before Ashe succumbed to the sickness. Balthier, now barely able to move himself, was alone on the Strahl and there was nothing he could do to help his five comrades that were dying around him. None of them had been able to tell him what came after the headache and fever; the sickness had drawn them into the blackness of unconsciousness too quickly. But Balthier was now finding out for himself. The next thing to go was his vision. Everything was blurry, and his fever was now so high that he was shaking uncontrollably. He tried to care for his friends, but it became harder and harder to even stand…much less walk. Even though he wore nothing but his leather pants and it was still freezing in the ship sweat poured off him. He couldn't eat without throwing up, but hunger gnawed at his stomach. He tried to work on the Strahl, hoping against hope that he could fix the problem and fly them all to safety, but he could barely see and his hands were no longer steady enough to hold the tools. What the hell kind of sickness was this? Where had it come from? Balthier struggled to his feet and attempted the long journey back down the hall. He had to check on Vaan. If they were all going to die, damnit he would die by the side of the boy he loved. He was about ten feet from the door of the "sick ward" when his legs gave out and he collapsed face first on the floor. He tried to move, tried to fight the blackness that was overtaking him…but he couldn't. He used his last ounce of strength to call Vaan's name before consciousness left him.

The Strahl was like a graveyard, so dark and cold and silent. There was not a sound or movement to show that there was any life on the ship whatsoever, but if someone didn't come across it soon…someone who could help…they were all going to die.

**Ok that's it. Obviously more to come! Hope you enjoyed it. Please review!**


	6. In Your Debt

**Chapter 6**

**In Your Debt**

When Balthier awoke he felt strangely comfortable. He didn't open his eyes but instead felt around with his hands. He must have rolled over at some point, because he was now lying on his back on something that felt strangely like a bed. Perhaps was dead, he thought, he could have sworn he had been in the hall when he collapsed. Maybe he hadn't been though; maybe he'd been in his bed all this time, his high fever playing with his mind. He opened his eyes to a brightly lit room. Had the lights on the Strahl started working again? Maybe they could get out! The pirate bolted upright only to wince as something sharp pulled at his arm. Now he knew he must be hallucinating from the fever, because there was an IV in his arm. He quickly started to fumble with the needle, trying to pull it out with one hand. "I would leave it in if I were you," came a voice that Balthier couldn't place but knew that he had heard before, "You were severely dehydrated when we found you." Balthier turned toward the voice, "Well, well," he cooed letting his trademark smirk cross his lips, "if it isn't Lord Larsa. Mind telling me where I am?" "My men and I brought you and your friends back to Rabanastre. You're quite lucky that we stumbled upon you." "When…how?" started the pirate with a tirade of questions that plagued his mind. "All that isn't important right now. You are all alive, and in one piece." The boy said approaching Balthier's bedside, "The others are already awake. They are lucky you were able to help them as much as you did." "I did nothing," scoffed the pirate, trying unsuccessfully to hide his concern for the others. "Unfortunately, pirate, you did leave a captain's log of the whole event. Your friends know of your efforts for them." "Can I see them?" asked Balthier, not stopping to think that the leading man sure as hell didn't need anyone's permission to do anything, but his mind was still the tiniest bit foggy from the sickness. "I'll bring them to you," said the boy, "You probably don't need to get up yet."

Vaan was the first to go and see Balthier. The others thought it would only be right for the two of them to have some alone time together. Balthier, not wanting to seem overanxious to see his thief, pretended to be asleep when he heard someone opening the door to his room. He tried not to smile as he felt the boy crawl up onto his bed and curl up beside him. He risked half opening one eye and looking down at the mess of blonde hair that rested on his chest. "Can I help you?" asked the pirate sarcastically. The blonde boy looked up at him and smiled, "I thought you were asleep. How do you feel?" "Fantastic," bragged the pirate, "never better." "Larsa says we wouldn't have survived more than another hour or two out there you know," said Vaan as his smile faded. Balthier kissed the boy lightly on the forehead in response to this and said nothing. He trailed light kisses down Vaan's nose, and finally met the boy's lips. The pirate leaned back in his hospital bed, bringing the blonde teen down with him to the pillow. Balthier was unaware that his grip had tightened protectively around Vaan's waist, as if he were afraid that the boy would just slip away as quickly as he came in. After a moment Vaan broke the kiss and looked at his pirate questioningly, "Basch and Fran don't remember anything about what happened. I asked Penelo and Ashe about it, but they said I should talk to you…what happened to us, thier?" Balthier sighed as he ran his hand through the boy's hair, "I don't know really," said the older man, not meeting Vaan's eyes, "It all just happened so fast, one minute I was on my way to get you a potion and the next I was standing over half of our party as they succumbed to some sort of sickness I've never seen before. We tried cure spells and potions but nothing worked. After a while I was the only one left, I tried to fix the Strahl, but…I couldn't." He looked into his lover's eyes then, those beautiful blue eyes so full of innocence and love, and felt like he had let everyone down. If that little brat Larsa could save them why hadn't he been able to? "You did everything you could," Vaan said quietly…looking at him as if he knew exactly what the pirate was thinking, "And everything turned out ok. Everybody is fine, and you spent so much time trying to nurse us back to health that you ended up in worse shape than any of us. We've been waiting on you to wake up for a week and a half, Balthier, and no one doubts that you did everything you could and more to get us out of that mess."

The pirate was a bit taken aback to learn that he had been unconscious for so long, but he soon forgot about it when he saw the look in his lover's eyes. "I couldn't save you, Vaan," muttered Balthier as he looked away from those innocent eyes, "What good am I to you if I couldn't even save you from a fever?" Vaan kissed the older man's nose, "A lot of good," he whispered, giving Balthier a look that made his heart melt and his body tingle. Vaan covered the pirate's body with his own, his fingers entwining themselves in the man's perfect brown hair. Their lips met like two crashing ships, and Balthier's hands roamed the boy's body as if they had never touched him before. "I see you're feeling better pirate," Balthier froze at the sound of Basch's voice. He and Vaan both looked up to see Basch, Fran, Penelo, Ashe, and Larsa standing before them…Penelo and Ashe looking a little embarrassed, Basch and Fran thoroughly amused, and Larsa so shocked that his mouth hung open. The pirate sighed and helped Vaan move over to his right side, keeping a protective arm around him. "Is there something we can help you with?" the brunette asked rolling his eyes a bit as he did. It was Larsa who, having somewhat recovered from his shock, spoke first, "Your friends and I thought you might like to know what happened to you, and your ship." Balthier said nothing, but gave the boy a look that said _ok spill it I'm busy._ Larsa took the hint, "You developed a severe epidemic of a rare flu aboard your ship. How this happened could have been any number of things. If we hadn't shown up you'd have all died very shortly." Larsa paused as if he had said all that he had to say. Balthier's anger was quite obvious by this point, "Are you fucking kidding me?" he asked Larsa, but didn't wait for a reply, "I could have guessed that much…that's all you know?" Larsa seemed undisturbed by the outburst, "You ship has was towed back here and repaired…at my expense I might add…" Balthier was glaring by this point, and Vaan knew that Larsa was pushing the pirate a little too far. "…_and…_" sneered the pirate. "And…" answered Larsa, daring to hold the pirate's gaze, "I think it only fair that you grant me a simple favor for saving your lives. There's a treasure hidden the Cerobi Steppe. I would like you to get it for me." Balthier's face was priceless, "You little fucking…" "We'll do it..." he was interrupted by Ashe, who earned a shocked but angry glare from the pirate. "We are in his debt," she explained in Balthier's direction. And just like that Balthier went back to disliking the princess very much.

Two days and a lot of pointless meetings later, they left the city and entered the desert. Gods how Balthier hated the desert. Larsa had refused to tell anyone but the princess exactly what they were going after, and that annoyed Balthier very much indeed. The good news was that from the way Penelo had followed Larsa around like a love sick puppy he doubted that he would have to worry about her trying anything else with Vaan. _Endless fucking amounts of sand, endless sun _thought Balthier, _damn Ashe and her big mouth._ And there she was walking not far in front of him, laughing away and joking…with _his_ Vaan. A sound almost like a quiet growl came from the pirate's throat, and just as he was speeding up towards the laughing princess and thief, a strong hand grabbed his wrist. "Calm down, she means no harm," said Basch, only letting the pirate go when he was sure the man had calmed down. "You are a jealous man, Balthier," continued Basch, "but let the boy have a little freedom, he isn't going anywhere." Balthier smirked and said nothing, but he knew the captain was right.

The pirate sulked the rest of the afternoon, watching Vaan pay him little attention. The heat and sand did little to improve his mood, and it seemed like every time they had finished off a group of fiends more appeared. By the time they made camp he was in a very pissy mood. He walked a distance from the camp, not really wanting to be around the others. He was still upset that he hadn't been able to be the shining hero to save them all back at the Rift, and going on this quest like they were Larsa's pets made him feel like his title of leading man was being stepped on. Not to mention watching Vaan and Ashe chat it up for the last few hours, all in all it had been a shitty day. He said down against a rock and felt sorry for himself for a while, and his eyes had started to get heavy when he felt a soft breath against his neck. He knew the touch of his lover well enough that it didn't startle him. Vaan slowly started to rub the pirate's shoulders and gently lick around the pirate's earrings. Balthier leaned his head back in total surrender. Vaan moved around and crawled into his lap, hooking his arms around Balthier's neck. "You're mad…aren't you?" he asked. "Not at you, love," answered the pirate as he gently brushed a strand of blonde hair behind the boy's ear. "Anything I can do to make you feel better?" asked the teen with total sincerity. Balthier smiled and chuckled, "Oh yes, Vaan. There are several things you can do…" Vaan smiled and kissed him as his lover gently lowered him to the ground. Vaan struggled with Balthier's vest until the older man finally had to remove it himself. Clothes were tossed away with no care or thought as to where they landed, and finally pirate and thief lay together with bare skin touching bare skin. And as Balthier pushed into Vaan the boy moaned his name, and the pirate's heart melted for the millionth time since he'd met the boy. He took him hard and fast, never breaking eye contact with the boy for one second. He wanted to remember every detail of Vaan under him…and suddenly, as both pirate and thief moaned each other's names in their mutual moment of release Balthier didn't mind so much that they were in debt to Larsa.

**Hope you enjoy it, so far it's my least favorite chapter but maybe the next one will be better! Review please!**


	7. Too Late for the Truth

**Ok first things first. Things, events, and especially places may be a little out of order in this story. I don't want to have to run and look up places on the map to make sure that the gang isn't leaving an area and coming into another area that is actually nowhere near the previous one. So if they leave somewhere and end up somewhere weird I apologize, just roll with it. Also, to make the story interesting people will (and have already) gotten hurt, and if they just healed themselves it would all be quiet boring, so ignore it when they don't heal themselves when they obviously could. Again, I don't own em', and if I did the game would have been nothing but Balthier and Vaan with a lot less clothes on. Enjoy chapter 7.**

**Chapter 7**

**Too late for the truth**

Basch knew better than to follow Vaan when he trudged off into the desert after Balthier. For some reason, maybe it was the heat or his recent illness, he didn't even think about it before leaving the camp to follow the boy. When he finally caught up to the boy he found him rubbing the pirate's shoulders, both of their backs to him. He started to walk away, figuring that the two needed some alone time, but when the boy crawled into the pirate's lap and started to kiss him Basch found it hard to tear his eyes away. He stood there rooted to the spot, watching them undress each other, it wasn't until Vaan moaned the pirate's name that Basch realized that he had been about to watch them fuck. He turned around and quickly stomped back to the camp, disgusted with himself for even following the boy to begin with.

The girls were chatting aimlessly around the fire, but the captain did not much feel like conversation, so he picked a spot a bit away from them and sat down to brood. Within half an hour both pirate and thief returned, looking as if nothing had happened between them. Vaan immediately ran over to join the conversation with the others, while to Basch's horror the pirate came and sat next to him. Balthier didn't say anything to him, and he hoped that neither pirate nor thief had seen him out in the desert. "You missed the best part captain," Balthier chuckled quietly, making sure only Basch could hear him. He tried to mask his horror, to no avail. "It's alright," answered the pirate before Basch could answer, "The leading man doesn't mind having an audience. I'm not so sure about Vaan though," he chuckled at this, earning an embarrassed blush from the man next to him. Balthier didn't push the matter though, and Basch was grateful when the pirate rose and went over to the boy, urging him to turn in for the night with him.

Everyone was asleep but the captain now. He laid there on the ground and admired how the fire cast a yellow glow over everything in the camp. It was still strange to him to look over and see Balthier and Vaan curled up together, fast asleep, the pirate with a protective arm curled around the boy's waist, and the boy clutching desperately to the pirate's hand even in sleep. He would have never seen it coming, the two of them acting as they did now. A glint of white caught his attention out of the corner of his eye. Curious, he rose and walked over to what turned out to be some sort of note or letter sticking out of Balthier's pack. Now today must have just been Basch's day to be nosy, because just as he had known that he shouldn't have followed Vaan into the desert, he knew that he should not read the note before him. Once he read it he really wished that he hadn't.

_Dear Ffamran,_

_ I write this letter to implore you to stop this childish and unbecoming way of life that you have chosen. It took me quite some time to find you since you have found the name that I gave you to be displeasing to you and changed it. As your father, I demand that you return to Archades at once. As a judge, you have obligations here. This sky pirating nonsense has to stop; it is a disgrace to the Bunansa name. You are to accompany the messenger of this letter home at once._

_Dr. Cidolfus Demen Bunansa_

Basch stared at the piece of paper in his hand, then at Balthier's sleeping form, and the back to the paper. The letter had obviously been written several years before; it was old, worn, and dirty. Anger bubbled up in him. That lying son of a…but Balthier had never given him a reason not to trust him. He had battled next to the man a million times, and trusted him with his life. He owed it to him to confront him about this before giving the letter to Ashe. He stood up and, placing the note in his pocket, walked over to where the pirate and thief lay sound asleep. He gently laid a hand on Balthier's arm, poking him softly so as not to wake up Vaan. Chocolate eyes fluttered open finally, and Basch signaled for the other man to be quiet, and follow him away from the camp.

A sleepy Balthier, assuming that this was all about what had happened earlier, rolled his eyes before getting up and following Basch out a ways from the others. When Basch was sure that they were out of hearing range he turned to the other man. "Well, Captain?" snorted the pirate, aggravated that he had been woken up in the middle of the night. Basch's face was stern with anger, "Does the boy know?" he asked wondering if Vaan knew of Balthier's secret. The pirate sighed, "I already told you, I didn't tell him. Maybe he wouldn't care that you were spying but…" "I'm not talking about that…Ffamran," Balthier jerked his head back to Basch, narrowing his eyes. "I've no idea what you're talking about, Basch." The older man said nothing in response, but held out the letter that he had found earlier. The pirate's expression told Basch that he recognized it. "It's true isn't it?" he asked the pirate whose head now hung in defeat. Balthier nodded and turned away from the other man. "I suppose now you're going to run to Ashe with what you've found out…and no, Vaan does not know." The other man's response surprised Balthier so much that he turned to face him. "It is not my place to tell the others," he replied quietly, handing Balthier the letter, "But you should tell Vaan, he deserves to know." Balthier sighed and ran a hand through his hair, "He'll hate me if he finds out. You know that." "He might," said Basch, "but I doubt it. And you know that he will find out sooner or later, we are headed straight toward your past, Balthier. There is no avoiding the matter once we reach Archades. It would be better for him to find out from you." "It's too late for the truth now," answered the pirate, "I've lied to him for too long. Not only is my past everything he hates about the world, but for him to find out that he let the son of Dr. Cid bed him…he would never forgive me." Basch patted Balthier on the back, "He'll understand, "his love for you is not based on your name. And I think you have proven to all of us that you are on our side…I…I heard the captain's log from the Paramina Rift, Balthier…we all did." The pirate frowned, he couldn't remember what he had said in the recording, but he had thought that they were all going to die…and his fever had been so high he could have said anything. Gods he hoped he hadn't done anything foolish…like cry. "I suppose it would be better if he found out from me…" said the pirate, obviously irritated with the turn of events and uncomfortable with the little heart to heart Basch was giving him, "I'll tell him tomorrow morning." "It is morning," said Basch, and Balthier looked around, noticing that it was getting lighter and lighter by the minute. "I will send him to you, and make sure you are left alone until you have had time to explain," said the captain. Balthier nodded and refused to meet the others eyes before Basch turned to go and get Vaan.

The boy came skipping up to him moments later, and Balthier watched him intently, afraid that this would be the last time he would ever see Vaan look at him with love in his eyes. Vaan kissed him, and the pirate tried to make the kiss as passionate as he could…just in case it was the last. The bronzed teen quickly realized that something was wrong. "Balthier?" he asked questioningly, "Is everything ok?" The pirate couldn't meet the boy's eyes, so instead of speaking he just handed Vaan the letter. He slowly raised his head to study the other's expression as he read what Balthier assumed was his worst nightmare, written in plain ink. He could see the boy tense, the meaning sinking in. He didn't say anything, neither of them did. His thief looked up at him, their eyes met, Balthier's brown and afraid…and sorry, Vaan's blue and hurt…full of tears. Vaan turned to walk away without saying a word, but was stopped when his lover grabbed his wrist. Balthier pulled the boy back around to face him, not caring if the boy saw the hot tears spilling down his face. "Why didn't you tell me?" asked the boy in a voice that was so cold it cut the pirate to his very core. "In the beginning it was none of your business," retorted the brunette, "and then by the time I thought I should tell you…it was too late for the truth…I…I…thought you'd hate me." "I can't handle this right now," answered the boy, and with that he turned and started walking back to camp.

Upon seeing the boy return to the camp alone, Basch regretted advising Balthier to tell him the truth. The boy had been crying, but no one asked any questions. Packing up the camp was slow going, and Basch wondered if subconsciously they weren't all waiting for the pirate to return, but he didn't. When everyone was ready to go, he went back to where he had left the other man earlier before, Balthier was nowhere to be seen, only the letter remained, abandoned on the ground. Basch picked it up, and stuffed it into his pocket. He looked around for any sign of the pirate, but all he could see was sand. When he returned to the camp alone no one said anything about Balthier's lack of presence. A look from Fran told him that she already knew that her partner was gone. She was already carrying the pirate's pack and weapon, dear gods...he hadn't taken any protection with him, and the desert was far from safe. Vaan refused to meet his eyes, and showed no indication that he realized the pirate was gone.

A week passed, and then two…three. There was no sign of Balthier, and every time they ran into people Basch inquired as to whether or not they'd seen him, no one had. Then one day while buying potions and whatnot from a traveling merchant they got a surprise. "Look at this bargain!" the old seeq excitedly urged them, "I found it in the desert some weeks back." To their horror he held up a black and gold vest. It was torn, but not bloody, and it was filthy, filthier than the pirate would have ever let it get. To Basch's surprise Vaan tossed the seeq some gil and clutched the vest to his chest. Basch knew that Vaan wished more than anything that the pirate would come back. They had made camp near the Tchita Uplands, and Vaan had gone off by himself. Basch followed him, and found him sitting by a rock clutching the lost pirate's vest as if he thought it was about to vanish before his eyes. "Vaan?" asked the older man quietly. The boy turned to him, and began to cry, "I didn't mean for him to leave," he sobbed, "I never even told him that I still loved him." Basch's heart went out to the boy, but he didn't know what to say. Time passed.

**Next chapter will probably be the last, or I may just keep rambling on and on. Reviews please!**


	8. Tearing Me Apart

**I know, I know. This story never seems to end, but he's another chapter. If it's dragging on too much for ya you can just stop reading. (And yes things are out of order and I know, Balthier would probably never be this lovesick and it's just drama drama drama but still…) Review Please!**

**Chapter 8**

**Tearing me Apart**

Balthier never left the desert. He walked and walked and walked. He didn't eat, and he barely slept. His vest he had discarded long ago, and now his white shirt was filthy and torn. In fact, every bit of him was covered in a layer of sand and dust. He had not been attacked luckily, but he wouldn't have cared if he had been. His lips were chapped from the sun, and he was malnourished and tired, but it was the emotional pain that was the worst. The others must have been on their way back from Larsa's stupid quest by now or maybe not.

The next merchant they ran into had seen Balthier not three days before. This is where the group decided to split up, sending Ashe and Penelo back to Larsa and Basch, Vaan, and Fran to go after their missing comrade. The problem was that they didn't really know where to start. The merchant had said that the pirate had been heading west three days before, and had not said where he was going. So all they knew to do was travel west and hope that they would run into him. Vaan fell asleep early that night, and Basch and Fran sat by the fire in silence for some time. It unnerved the captain sometimes, how quiet Fran was. He knew she must be terribly worried about her partner. "Do you think we'll find him?" he asked her. She looked at him a long moment, "Balthier does not wish to be found." She stated shaking her head, "He will hide from us, only the boy will be able to get him to come back, and I am not certain that even that is possible at this point." It was the most he had ever heard her speak. Basch nodded in understanding.

It seemed to Balthier that staying in the desert was his punishment for keeping the truth from Vaan. He had always hated the desert…the heat…the sand. And now he would wander it aimlessly until he died, it just seemed like the thing to do. He hated love with a passion now, hated what it had turned him into. He used to be strong, cocky, and charming. Now he was wondering the desert, dirty and weak…and miserable. He would never go back, he never wanted to see that boy again…yet he couldn't keep him out of his mind for one minute.

It seemed that they were walking aimlessly again. Mile after mile they trudged through the sand, there was no sign of Balthier anywhere. Vaan's heart ached, why hadn't he told Balthier that he still loved him? He was furious at the pirate, sure, but he hadn't meant for him to walk away and never come back... It had been weeks now, how could his lover have survived with no weapon or supplies? Maybe he had bought a weapon since that horrible morning, maybe some potions and things too. Vaan hoped he had. Guilt plagued him; he had really fucked things up this time. Sure, Balthier's secret had been HUGE, but he could have reacted better. He had given the other man the impression that he no longer wanted anything to do with him.

Fran could feel that they were close. She almost felt guilty looking for Balthier, knowing that he did not want to be found. If she hadn't been certain that the boy was still very much in love with her partner she would have refused to help him find Balthier. She glanced at the boy as he scanned the horizon for the man he loved, yes, the boy loved Balthier very much indeed, and she could see it in the boy's eyes.

Vaan was the first to spot the forlorn pirate. He was a ways off, but suddenly Vaan starting running forward without speaking a word, and then the others saw him as well. He was laying down, eyes closed; in some place between wakefulness and sleep when Vaan reached him, and when the boy clutched onto him he thought he was dreaming. Tired of dreams that were only a disappointment when he woke up, he did not move to hold the boy. He slowly opened his eyes, this seemed so real, Vaan leaning over him…tears falling into his face…his lips were moving, but the pirate couldn't hear him. He thought he felt strong arms lift him, Basch perhaps? He didn't have the strength to keep his eyes open. He tried to speak, "Go away, leave me where I am…", but no sound came from his lips.

When Basch lifted the pirate into his arms a wave of guilt washed over him. He was light as air, and the heat, sun, and sand had chapped and burned his skin badly. His clothes were torn and dirty, his eyes unfocused. He was trying to say something, but no words came out. "We need to get him back to the Strahl," said Basch, more to Fran than Vaan because Vaan was in no shape to be thinking straight right now. The boy acted as if he were afraid to touch the pirate, maybe he thought that if he reached out he would find that his lover was not really there.

They got him back to the Strahl eventually. The journey had not been as long as it had seemed, but the heat and fiends of the desert had made the trek difficult at best. Fran worked her cure spells, but the pirate just didn't have the will to get better. Even after he awoke he refused to eat anything, and he wouldn't talk to anyone. He would wake up screaming from nightmares almost every night now. Vaan couldn't stand seeing him so frail, and so he kept his distance, which only made things worse. Strangely it was Basch who usually ended up watching over Balthier the most, maybe it was because of the guilt he felt for advising the pirate to tell Vaan about his past. The brunette's skin had healed, and had Balthier had a reason to get up out of bed he probably could have, but he saw no reason to do anything but lay there. He hadn't spoken since he had been brought back to his ship, and he wondered why they had come looking for him if Vaan still cared so little.

Vaan was afraid, but he finally made his way to the master bedroom of the Strahl, Basch left when he saw him enter leaving him there alone with Balthier. The pirate seemed to be awake, but his eyes starred up eerily, hardly blinking and no signs of emotion in them at all. "Thier?" questioned the blonde teen softly. The pirate's eyes shot in Vaan's direction at the mention of his old pet name that only Vaan had ever used. This startled the boy, and he soon realized that his lover was not going to say anything to him, but he was listening and it seemed that he knew who was talking to him. Vaan continued, stroking the pirate's cheek, "I'm sorry…I didn't mean for you…to…leave. I was mad…_am mad…_but I still love you you stupid pirate." Balthier still starred at him, but said nothing. "Balthier _please_ say something…you're tearing me apart." And then the boy began to cry, something that the older man had never been able to ignore. He couldn't find his voice, so he grabbed the boy's wrists and forcefully yanked him down on top of himself. They hold each other for a long while. Finally the pirate speaks, softly, his voice hoarse from so little use in the past month, "Vaan…" "Hmm?" the boy whispers as he nuzzles against his lover's chest. "Marry me?" questions the pirate, and Vaan has to look up at him to determine if the other is serious or not. He knows by the look in the other's eyes that he has never been more serious about anything in his life.

Two days later: The five of them are waiting for Balthier to return from shopping for provisions in town, they are waiting for him to arrive to eat dinner in the kitchen of the Strahl; they are headed for the Ridorana Cataract. He finally arrives, full of his old charm and swagger. "Took you long enough, pirate," jokes Ashe as he enters the kitchen, "Been out charming the ladies of Bhujerba?" "Careful Princess," laughs the sky pirate holding up a newly acquired ring on his left hand, "I'm a married man now." He sits down, pulling his thief close to him, now they will always belong to each other.

**The End…hope you enjoyed. Review please, it's only polite! More stories to come but that's it for this one!**


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